The Potpourri Brochure on Finding Joy through Grief and Building a Human/Animal Bond

Bill will ask me how Bubby knows what time it is.

I'm not really sure. Is he just super smart? Is it his stomach?   

How was your Christmas?  For those of us who have holiday stress, it’s a good thing it’s over.  The bad part for me is the decorations are on their way out.  The pretty lights, the shiny things.  The trees!  Ah, but it will come around again before we know it.  And I won’t be sorry to see the crazy traffic go away, and the lines!  

Before I get into today’s topic, I want to read another podcast review that appeared on Apple podcasts.  I read two last week.  I’m very grateful for reviews.  If you haven’t already rated and reviewed this podcast, I hope you’ll consider doing so, and I’ll be making my way through all the reviews over the next few episodes, so stay tuned to hear yours.  Don’t be shy!

Here is the next review on my end:

“Being an only child myself, I do feel like there were a lot of ‘brochures’ that I missed out on and maybe only children get some that people with siblings don’t get. I still don’t understand why my children don’t get along all the time, because isn’t having a sibling supposed to be like having a built-in best friend? (I know, I know if I had a sibling I would understand..…..)”

Remember that on Apple all the reviews come up with your screen name or your Apple name or however that works.  I should know, because I’m an Apple kind of person.  Anyway, this one looks and sounds like it’s from comedian and real estate broker Amy Brick.  Amy was my first interview and her episode is one of the most popular so far.  If you haven’t listened, please go back and find it.  I think you’ll enjoy it.  

Thanks again everyone for your feedback and thoughtful reviews.  

Today I want to talk about some things that have been going on around here, and how I’m pondering on them.  And they might relate to you as well.  

Bill and I finished watching “The Crown” on Netflix.  I won’t spoil anything here, so don’t worry.  Although if you haven’t watched any of it, or you haven’t finished watching it, but you know anything about the royal family, you pretty much know the spoilers already.  

Maybe watching "The Crown" and thinking about all that happened with William and Harry, and how it came out recently that the boys thinking that when their mother died that she had faked her death planted a seed in my head somehow. I was falling asleep the other night and then I woke up, and I suddenly felt like wow, my former boss Ruth faked HER own death.  And then I realized, again, that she was gone, and went through all that again in my mind.  I was recounting this train of thought – if that’s what you can call it – to Bill the next day, and he looked at me kind of funny, and I reminded him that I worked with her and for her about a third of my life, so far.  It’s sad that she’s gone so just to entertain the idea that she was off living somewhere else for a few minutes was almost pleasant.  But she really is gone.  

I will say now, and don’t stop listening please, that grief doesn’t take a holiday.  Grief is a constant in our lives.  Maybe you’ve heard me talk about Anderson Cooper’s podcast before called, “All There Is,” and I can relate to so much of what he talks about.  Going through the boxes upon boxes that have been left for him.  Belongings of his departed family.  But it’s developed into so much more.  And I’m so glad that he’s doing a second season now.  

One thing that has intrigued me is the bond between parent and child, and his recent episode deals with miscarriage.  I’ve never experienced this myself, but I found myself crying listening to the story of a young woman who lost her baby daughter to a rare disease and had to give birth to a still born baby. In his last episode he interviews another young woman who lost her husband suddenly when their daughter was just 13 months old.  

These episodes are so deep in meaning, and listening firsthand to the guest’s experiences and feelings has helped me to continue to work through my own grief.  Who am I grieving?  That’s a good question, and I’ll leave that for another day. There are many people.  No, it’s not really my boss at this point, but I think grief is kind of an ongoing process, grieving for those we've lost. Grief work opens the heart to compassion for others.  Let me repeat that. Grief work opens the heart to compassion for others. That’s one of the lessons learned in listening to these episodes.  I think only when you have fully learned to grieve do you truly know compassion for other people.  It makes you more sensitive to the feelings of others.  Yes it’s not an easy thing to face head on, is it?  I get it.  Not an easy thing to plunge into, head first.  Anyway, something to think about.  Some of you out there might be in a space where you need to hear this.  I know I have one friend who is really struggling with all these issues and my heart goes out to her.  She has blocked herself from grieving some of the greatest losses a person can experience and I worry that without working through this grief, she’s not fully experiencing joy.  Fully experiencing life. That’s the thing, you have to work through the bad stuff to get to the good stuff.  And besides the episodes are really well done and thoughtful.  

One thing that stands out for me with his episodes are the connection between mother and child as I mentioned, and often sometimes that connection isn’t that strong.  Or maybe it breaks down along the way for some reason.  This isn’t something that he talks about.  This is something that I've experienced or I've observed. But how can that be?  Yes, I’m talking about my own relationship with my mother, but also some of my friends.  I listen to these parents talk on Anderson’s podcast about their children and the vastness of their loss.  And sometimes I just shake my head.  

OK that’s enough of the grief talk.  Time for a new subject.  Last week Bill and I celebrated our 13th wedding anniversary.  Now we’ve been together over 30 years.  We got married in Vegas, and almost every year since we’ve gone back to Vegas to celebrate and do fun things.  This year we started off to do the same thing.  We left Brownie our dog and Bubbie our cat at home with the usual pet sitter extraordinaire but this was the first time since Bubbie’s diabetes diagnosis that we left him. I totally underestimated the situation.  Bubbie is a tricky cat.  He’s mostly good with me and his dad to an extent, but taking him to the vet is tough because he turns into a wild man. Big eyes and snarling or growling the whole time until he’s sedated. If I’m lucky enough to pre-medicate him we all get along better.  I guess I hoped that in his home environment and with his favorite treats, it might work out.  It started out okay, but it only went downhill from there, and Bill and I both realized that if Bubbie was going to get his insulin shot, we were going to have to drive home and cut our trip short.  At a time like that my only thought really was my cat.  Sure I was disappointed that we couldn’t stay and play, but my mind was so unsettled knowing that his schedule was off that I was a mess.  And then I got a little hysterical thinking about the whole thing and started to blame myself.  I just wanted to get back to him.  

I don’t have children of my own, but my animals are my kids and I try to take the best care of them I can.  There’s something special about the bond you have with an animal who has special needs.  It’s heartbreaking and joyous at the same time.  My bunny Holly who passed away in 2016, the year almost everyone seemed to die in my life, was the first time I really experienced this phenomenon.  Holly stopped eating one day but with a lot of care and even more luck, I was able to pull her through.  We spent a lot of time together and I could feel the bond between us grow. My relationship with Bubbie is starting to feel the same way.  Bubbie is not a cuddly boy.  He is an independent guy, but as soon as I walked in the door upon arriving back from our trip, I heard a loud meow, and he ran to me.  He let me pick him up and he kept meowing at me and Bill.  He was happy to have me – or was it us? – back.  It was a good welcome home gift.  

Bubbie gets his insulin shots at noon and midnight and as I’ve been putting this episode together, he came from his napping spot and sat in front of me.  I figured he wanted a snack.  It’s usually a food thing with him.  But then I looked at the time, and realized it was 11:51.  Time for his shot.  And his snack.  Bill will ask me how Bubbie knows what time it is.  I’m not really sure.  Is he just super smart?  Is it his stomach?  Anyway, I told him he’s smart.  He might be an independent cat, but I also know he loves us, especially me.  That’s one of the best Christmas presents I could receive.  The love and the trust of an animal.  I think I’m able to build that with all my animals. They will so often communicate with us, we just need to keep listening.  Sometimes listening to them is a little more intuitive or indirect than we might expect, but they’re still communicating. It’s also a work in progress.  

Well, I hope that you are enjoying this holiday week, and I wish you my listeners all the best for the upcoming New Year.  May 2024 bring us all health, happiness and everything else we desire.  That’s all I’ve got for today.  Next week, next year we’ll tackle another topic together!  I hope you’ll join me.