The Brochure on Embracing Resilience and Fostering Friendships
I guess that's the risk of giving yourself over to a relationship. There's no guarantee that the other person is going to feel the same way through time.
Happy New Year! Happy 2024. I hope this year brings everyone health, happiness and prosperity. Sometimes at this time of year we put pressure on ourselves. Did we make a resolution? Did we meet it? How do we feel if we didn’t reach our goals? We look back at what we accomplished last year and sometimes we feel like we fell short. I saw a quote from the book, “The Boy, the Mole, the Fox and the Horse” by Charlie Mackesy “A whole year and what have I done?” said the boy. “You made it this far. You are spectacular.” So I’m here to tell you all this. You made it. You really are spectacular. Whatever you had to get through, you did it.
I’m going to continue by reading one of the reviews. I started reading one or two reviews at the beginning of every episode. The next one goes like this, “I love Tracy’s approach to dealing with so many challenges we all face in life. She is masterful at weaving together important information and knowledge along with humor whether it’s talking about elder care, the confusing world of physical therapy or a problem girlfriend, she shares a lot of wisdom.”
This one is posted by “Senior Strategist” which I believe to be author Star Bradbury. I interviewed her about her book “Successfully Navigating Your Parent’s Senior Years” back in July. It’s a great book and a great interview, if you haven’t already listened to it.
Thanks for the reviews, they mean so much. I also want to thank my listeners. Every one of you is so important to me. We are now in 26 countries, and there are 354 cities represented. Wow! At the end of last year we were only in 13 countries. So again, thank you for listening.
Today I want to talk about building yourself a support system. This is something that is important for everyone, not just only children. How important is having a support system? Well, no matter who you are, I think it’s really vitally important. In this world, we need other people to support us. Everyone needs a small group of people who love them to be around them, to listen, to provide emotional support, to be confidants so to speak. People can have a support system where they work, in their family, or just among their friends. Each group can be comprised of different people. Imagine going through life without people supporting you! I can’t!
Now as an only child, I think I figured this out relatively early. I got to a point where I wanted to have friends, not just be a loner. And I realized, again on my own, that having friendships meant maintaining those friendships. What does that mean? Keeping in touch with people, caring about the other person, listening to and keeping up with the other person. And then hoping that these friends would do the same for me. Building a relationship. When I look back on it, I’m pretty impressed that I really developed this on my own. I didn’t get any input on having friends or keeping friends from my family.
I felt behind the curve sometimes because I had to rely on people who weren’t family. Growing up, being in school often meant that everyone around me had a sibling, or siblings. That felt like already they had a built in support system. Little did I know that just because you have one or more siblings doesn’t mean you have support.
If you’re a regular listener, you’ve already heard me talk about my mother and how she seemed dare I say? Jealous of the fact that I had friends. She didn’t really seem to have her own friends. Not close friends. She never DID anything with anyone, really, like a girlfriend. Sometimes I heard her talking on the phone with someone, like a friend, but that was pretty rare. Sure, she met people. Through my dad’s lodge activities, or driving on school field trips or girl scout field trips. She met other parents, right? She’d for sure have something in common with them? I don’t know if she felt like she didn’t have time for friends, but in general I got the impression she felt like she wasn’t a good enough person to gain any friends. The thing was that there were people who liked her and she could have easily had friends. Maybe she felt like my dad was her friend, her only friend. I'm not sure.
Some people choose their family and for me that has been true. I found little support from my parents. That is, emotional support. My mom was complicated and my dad never gave me any advice. As I got older, I started to feel that my close friends were actually my family. They provided not only emotional support, but they were there to celebrate the things, the good things that happened to me. My close girlfriends were my sisters. My friend Gina, who passed in 2018, was definitely my sister. We told each other everything, and we had each other’s backs. Sure we sometimes had fights, but we loved each other and were as close as any ideal sisters could be. In general I do consider my friends my family.
But the thing about friends or just dealing with other people in general is that you never really know how things are going to work out. The tide can change. As much as I’ve had the support and love of friends over the years, I’ve been completely burned by the people I called friends, the people I loved as my friends. I guess part of that is human nature. Things aren’t always going to work out forever between two people. But wow, some of the times I’ve felt like I was stabbed in the back by people I thought really loved and cared for me. And I wondered how that could have happened? How could someone I trusted so much do that to me? I guess that’s the risk of giving yourself to a relationship. There’s no guarantee that the other person is going to feel the same way through time. And I admit, I have ended friendships as well. I hope I haven’t been hurtful about it.
Sometimes I still feel behind the mark because I’m out of blood relatives. There’s no one in the world who HAS to have my back. I’m grateful and happy that I do have my husband who is my main support consistently, and does have my back. I’ve learned too that just because you have blood relatives doesn’t mean you have guaranteed support. Watching the people in my life over the years has proved that. And while I lost Gina five years ago, almost six now, I still have a small handful of friends who care about me and I care about them. I hope you do too.
Once again, Happy New Year to you and your support system. Let’s all hope for peace on earth this year. Those words have never meant more to me than they do right now.
That’s all I’ve got for today. Next week, we’ll tackle another topic together. I hope you’ll join me.