Tracy: 0:00

Finally, here is my interview with Leslie Berlin. I've been promising it to you for a while now. It's been in the works for a while, but as is the case with many things, especially in my life, and also in Leslie's, well, life got in the way. Commitments, things come up, right? But we finally sat down and talked several weeks ago, and here it is. I hope you enjoy it. Leslie reached out to me on social media, as you'll hear, and I think we became fast friends, even though she's halfway across the country. We have a lot of commonality, and I think that that's one thing that only children share, or only children who've become adults, right? But her story, her journey, if you will, is different from mine, her growing up, and the fact that she is a parent of two boys, or two young men, rather. So she has something different to share about her journey and her experience. And yet, still the commonality is there. I find Leslie very easy to talk to, and I think we had a lot of fun in this interview. I hope you enjoy listening to it. Welcome to the Only Child Diaries Podcast. I'm your host, Tracy Wallace. Have you ever felt like you didn't receive the how-to brochure on life? That you didn't get enough guidance about major life issues? So did I. You don't have to be an only child to feel this way. In my podcast, we'll explore some of the best ways to better navigate adulthood while doing so with humor delight. Welcome everyone to the Only Child Diaries Podcast. Today, I'm very happy to welcome a guest, Leslie Berlin, to the Only Child Diaries. And first, before we meet her, let me tell you a little bit about Leslie. She's from Michigan. She attended Michigan State University, where she got a bachelor's degree in food economics. She's been involved in the food allergy community for over 20 years. And in 2011, she wrote a children's book called Okay for Me to Eat My Food Allergies, which, if you know me, all of my regular listeners, you know that it's my secret intention to someday write my own book and get it published. So she's already my hero. Leslie says it's been my goal to be able to help in any way I can to make sure that all kids with food allergies can stay safe and still be able to enjoy the fun they deserve. Her most impressive achievements, Leslie says, are her two sons, Sam and Eddie. Currently, she's living outside of Detroit, Michigan, and she works part-time in accounting, among all the other things that she does every day. So welcome, Leslie Berlin, to the Only Child Diaries.

Leslie: 3:30

Thank you. It's so nice to be here. Thank you for having me, Tracy.

Tracy: 3:36

Oh, well, it's my pleasure. Um, you reached out to me. I have to say, tell everybody how we met is that you reached out to me on social media because you obviously are an only child. And um we've been talking for gosh, uh, I think it's about a year and a half. Yeah.

Leslie: 3:57

About at least.

Tracy: 3:58

Yeah. Um, about collaborating on a podcast, um, doing things. And we thought we'd start with me interviewing you. And finally, uh, here we are. Life threw its challenges at us in terms of scheduling. So, anyway, I'm very glad that we're able to finally do it today.

Leslie: 4:20

I feel like I went on your social media and told you how much I love listening to your podcasts, and that I've, you know, kind of you're my hero with this. And I always wanted to do something like this, and always wanted to talk about being an only child. And the more we talked, we found out we had some other things in common, and then you kind of helped me um find this volunteer work that I did. Yeah. So um then we started talking about that, and then just life got in the way. And before we knew it, we were talking about what's it like in California, what's it like in Michigan? And here we are, we finally did this, but it's been a good road. I've enjoyed it.

unknown: 5:15

Yeah.

Leslie: 5:16

All of our discussions.

Tracy: 5:18

Yes, it's been I because I consider you my friend. Yes. Um, and I because I think we do have a lot in common. Um, yes, you know, the only child part, but other things in life too. And I've really enjoyed getting to know you during this time. So it's really nice. So more people should reach out to me on social media. Why not?

Leslie: 5:44

We're all obsessed with social media, so use it. Right.

Tracy: 5:48

Exactly. Yes. So tell me about the beginnings of your, you know, you're an only child, but I think you had a different road than I did, um, being the I'm the only child of two only children, but you had a different family situation. Um, so tell me about that.

Leslie: 6:11

Yeah. So um my parents got married, they were married for four years, everything was fine, and then they had me. And a year after I was born, it was like the marriage was over. So, in a way, it was actually a positive experience because having friends whose parents got divorced, it's very traumatic to have your parents get divorced. Meanwhile, I grew up with my parents being divorced, and so I really didn't have that trauma. It was like it was just all natural for me to go and spend Sunday with my dad and spend the rest of the time with my mom, and it was just part of my life. Um, I had lots of cousins on both sides, but especially my mom. She had four sisters, and she got married the the latest of all of them. So I was the baby. So my eldest cousin was 21, and then I was born. So I was hanging out in the early 70s, you know, listening to all the yacht rock and everything like that, and hanging out with my cousins and thinking how cool they were, and they still are, and I look up to them a lot, and um, we're very close, and that was that was a a big part of my life, and I'm very thankful for it. Oh, that's really nice, yeah. Yes, yes. Growing up, I had a lot of friends, I kind of had to, or else I was just sitting in the house by myself. Right. And I would always want to be at their homes, just and they would let me sleep over, and I'd have dinner with them, and they would always be just arguing and bickering with their siblings, and I would just think, why are you doing this? You're so lucky, you have these siblings, and I would just cover my ears, and you know, just the confrontation was really, really hard. That's one thing that I really never learned was confrontation because I really never had to argue with anyone. So I don't know about you, but right, it's like I didn't I don't do that well with confrontation.

Tracy: 8:52

Yeah, yeah. That's definitely, I think I had to learn that skill because I didn't have those opportunities to really practice that.

Leslie: 9:04

Right, right. It is something that people probably take for granted. I mean, I watch my son all the time, they're just uh going back and forth and give them a skill.

Tracy: 9:20

Yeah, for sure. Yeah. So so were you now after your parents' divorce, were they in the same community together?

Leslie: 9:31

Basically, they they both lived in the same 20-mile radius, something like that. Uh back then things were really different. Um, I don't know if it was just that my dad maybe didn't fight as some men do now. He didn't really push it. Now I see dads who have their kids several times a week. They have a lot more rights and and visitation. Um I saw my dad pretty much like once a week and had dinner with him, and we were pretty close. He he was the best dad that he could be, and he only had me to work with. Um I really wanted my parents to get remarried, and um they never did, and I used to just go, Oh, why don't you date, go on a date? I'd love a half-sister, I'd love a, you know, I'd love a step sibling. Um, but that never happened. So um, it that's okay. But that was something that I wanted when I was younger.

Tracy: 10:45

Yeah, that's too bad. But it is what it is. It is what it is.

Leslie: 10:49

I mean, honestly, yeah, there are positives to being an only child, as you know.

Tracy: 10:56

So as yes, yes, there are. So then as you became a teenager, um, did you keep having a lot of friends? Did you develop more friends? I did. As you got older?

Leslie: 11:11

I did, and I I branched out. I remember I had these two special friends, and we were both in the same situation, all of us. We both were all three of us were only children that had divorced parents whose dads lived out of state or they didn't see them very often. Um, and it was just mom and mom and the daughter, and we became very close. And I still talk to them to this day. We're not um we're not as close as some of my other friends, but they they really meant a lot to me, and I really felt that I could bond with them, whereas a lot of my other friends who I, you know, they just these two understood me. So yeah, yeah.

Tracy: 12:09

Did you ever experience like a stigma of being an only child? Like, did did your friends with siblings be like, oh, you're kind of weird, or you don't understand because you're an only?

Leslie: 12:22

Right. Well, it was like, well, why? You know, why are you an only child? Well, um and and what did I know back then? I mean now I can see so many reasons being as an adult. It's a lot of times it's really in God's hands or or whatever. Some people can't have any more children, some people can't afford more children, some people get divorced and never remarried. I mean, there's so many different reasons. And nowadays, especially with the way the economy is, with um how expensive it is to raise a child, people are opting for for an only child and really being happy with it. And um we adjust, we adjust just fine, yeah.

Tracy: 13:21

Yeah, for sure, for sure. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's true. We adjust. We we uh yeah, we adapt. Adapt as the yeah, yes, that's the word the animals do, yeah.

Leslie: 13:37

And then when I was in high school, it was like I wanted to be around more people. I got a job in a restaurant, and I just put myself with with people all the time. And it was kind of like having another family, and I'd go to the restaurant, I'd eat dinner at work while I was at work, and it kept me busy. It kind of kept kept my it kept my heart full with kind of coming home to a big house. I was at work with a big house and being around so many others. So that was a very positive experience. Um, and it basically the older you get, I think the less traumatic it is. When you're little and you're running around the house and you have nothing to do, I think it's like, oh, I wish I had someone to play with. But by the time you're 18, 20, you adapt.

Tracy: 14:40

You adapt, yeah. Yeah, and I always liked it because I felt like I got to choose my family in a way. I mean, my friends are my family too, so I get to choose and building that core group of people that you really like or that you love as your as your friend, your your sisters, or you know. Oh, absolutely. I mean, now I think of them. I think when I was younger, I just thought of them as friends, but then as you get older, your girlfriends kind of become like your sisters. Right, exactly. I mean, right, at least for me. Right.

Leslie: 15:20

Because as you see, not every family relationship is a walk in the park. So um I'm I'm very lucky. My husband is very close with his brothers, and the whole family is really close. And I have two brother-in-laws and two sister-in-laws, and everyone gets along, and I'm I'm so thankful. I mean, I still I have my girlfriends, I have my high school friends, and my other friends, and we've been together longer, but it is a really nice thing to have, and they really filled in the gap. Um, and I have my cousins too. I still am close with them, and they help. They help a lot, especially with aging, you know, parents.

Tracy: 16:16

That's really hard to um for sure. Yeah, I think that that's one of the biggest challenges of being an only child is taking care of your parents as they age, you know.

Leslie: 16:33

Yes, it is, it is, and I've kind of I went through it about 10 years ago with my dad. He kind of never really got over my mom, you know, my mom splitting up with him, so that was really hard. And um, he didn't really take care of himself, so I I used to have to kind of help him along. And when my kids were about nine and seven, he needed like assisted living and all that, and so I used to have my mom come over and watch my kids if they weren't in school, so I could go take my dad to doctor appointments. Whereas I know a lot of times I see my friends that the parents went to doctor appointments, you know, together. So um we had that kind of thing going on. But I was very thankful that my mom was in a was in a situation that she could just come in and help me. And unfortunately at 75 we lost my dad, but he uh, you know, he was a good dad. I miss him.

Tracy: 17:55

Yeah, oh that's it's nice that it's nice that you were able to take help take care of him or be there for him, right?

Leslie: 18:04

More be there for him. More I didn't I didn't take him in. Um, I don't know, that's just something that I couldn't do. I people are saints that really can take their parents in. Um, it's not for everybody, but no, no. But but you still took care of him. I mean you absolutely I was the the person. I was the person. So yeah, yeah.

Tracy: 18:34

So yeah, it's difficult, yeah. And your mom now is you're taking care of her. I mean, and you know, she's needing you, and right, she's 91. She's having more more more health, 91.

Leslie: 18:50

91, God bless her. Um, and she stopped driving. It was her choice, which was helpful. Yes, that's good. And so I see her a few times a week. We text all day long, talk on the phone. Um, I'm so thankful that she texts. Um, because I 91 and text, and she is amazing with emojis. Like she finds emojis that I didn't know existed. That's great. That's great. So um, but it's you know, it's hard. She knows it. Like she'll say, Oh, I I feel bad that there's no one to help you. But like I said, I have my cousins, they go and see her, they call her all the time. And, you know, we we're all gonna we're all gonna have to deal with our parents, you know, whether or not we're only children. I know people who have siblings and their siblings either live very far away or they're just not involved at all. So sometimes it doesn't even matter, really.

Tracy: 20:16

Right. Yeah, no, it's it's tough. It's tough. So when you when you found your husband, then um did you make a conscious decision to not have an only child then?

Leslie: 20:34

Well, I I knew that I, if I could, would like to have more than one child. Um I didn't know, of course, you never know what's gonna, what the outcome is gonna be. I know I I wanted three children as an you know, as an a young adult, but by the time I got married at 29 and he was 35, it was like we we kind of decided that it was, you know, probably a good idea. We thank goodness have two healthy children, and we're gonna we're gonna stop so that you know we're not 85 and going to soccer games and so yes. And I um I probably dated an only child or so, and I thought, huh. But it it uh I don't think I ever said, Oh, I can't go out with you, you're an only child. But um yeah, I'm glad that it worked out the way that it did.

Tracy: 21:42

So yeah, it's nice that you have your husband's family. Um does your husband have siblings? Yeah, he's has three siblings. And so then he has some nieces and nephews, and I knew his mother. I didn't I missed his dad. I met him after his dad had passed away. And yeah, his mom was one of eight children. Oh wow. So yeah. Um and so some of her siblings were still alive. I got to meet the meet well, one of them and talk to a couple on the phone. The last sister just passed away. Uh she was 101, I think. She just passed away in the last four months. Yeah.

unknown: 22:36

Yeah.

Tracy: 22:36

She had a uh shot of whiskey every day. I hear that kind of thing works. It's yeah, there you go. I don't know. I think a lot of only children do marry a spouse with a family or a big family. And it's it's such an interesting dynamic because or dichotomy or whatever, because I think he sometimes he looks at me and he thinks, oh gosh, my life would have been easier if I'd been an only child. And then I look at him and I think, wow, you're so lucky that you have a big family. Um, but a lot of the times he'd say, Oh, well, they're they're your family too. So they were all very welcoming to me, which was you know, is something that I had never experienced, or I had never really experienced that before. So that was really nice. It was really nice to to to marry into a family.

Leslie: 23:36

Um just just someone with a little more. I just wanted a little more craziness in the house. I think that's what I was looking for. It was too quiet.

Tracy: 23:49

It's too quiet because yeah, because I think like holidays, like for me, like Thanksgiving, right, and Christmas were kind of depressing in a way. Like if you right, like if you compare yourself to like a TV or a movie or something where they're celebrating Thanksgiving, right? And there's like eight people at the table or ten people at the table, or people say, Oh, we're having a potluck Thanksgiving, and we had 30 people over. And I'm just like, what what is that even like, you know? Right? Right, right. So yeah. So I didn't really get to experience stuff like that. And I think that the most that we really did was uh his brother would come over because his brother lives here, but the sisters live on the other coast. Um but and a couple times after my dad died, we take my mom out to eat for Thanksgiving, and we invited a couple other friends who's who had a recent loss in their family too. So maybe we'd have like six of us or eight of us or something and make it like a like a you know, kind of like a family group.

Leslie: 25:10

Well, like a friend, what do they call it? Friends giving or something. It's it's Friends giving, yeah. Right. Yeah. And that's yeah, and that's friends become family, right?

Tracy: 25:20

Yeah. Right. But we never had, you know, I mean, when I was growing up, like we'd go over to my grandparents. Um the I didn't realize it until much later. Uh, because they never they they never verbalized it. But my mom's parents and my dad's parents, I mean, I knew them both, apparently they didn't like each other because they never they never fully um accepted the fact that my parents married each other. And so we would go over uh when I was little, we'd go over to one set of grandparents and we'd eat there, and then we'd get in the car and we'd drive the 10 miles to the other grandparent and we'd have dinner over there. And so, you know, like in when you're a kid, you just kind of accept that. Right. And you think, okay, this is what we're doing. But in retrospect, years later, I was like, Well, why didn't we ever like all just get together at the same place? Because that was like a lot of turkey and a lot of stuffing, and well, it would have been a fun comedy show if they were all together.

Leslie: 26:32

They would have been at each other's throats.

Tracy: 26:36

And they were definitely yeah, yes, yes, definitely at each other's throats. Yes.

Leslie: 26:44

So family dynamics, yeah.

Tracy: 26:47

Whatever, but family dynamics, yeah. It's not always like the happy go lucky, um, you know, yeah, it was it was not that. Never had that. So, you know, I'm just yeah, I'm just grateful for any kind of good times. It's fine that it's small, but yeah, I kind of missed out on that whole thing. So anyway, um, yeah, and cousins. I didn't really have any cousins uh either. So, you know, just that's okay. I had other things to you. I adapt, yes, yes, there you go. Um so now you're so your sons are in uh they're older, they're in are they both in college now?

Leslie: 27:47

The oldest one just graduated from undergrad and he's working. He lives at home for a while, which is really nice. Um and the yeah younger one is a senior in college, and he just went back two days ago. He's uh he will probably never move back to Michigan. He likes he will probably move to the West Coast or some other country somewhere. It's a little too, a little too flat here for him. Oh he's yeah, he's an environmental guy and he's he's got some some good stuff up his sleeve, so can't wait to see what he does. It's that's really the that's great. The interesting thing is seeing, you know, my boys and how they interact and how my older son misses my younger son. And it's uh it's a nice thing to see, and I'm I'm thankful. Yeah.

Tracy: 29:04

I mean has it been challenging to be a parent, an only child parent of of two children ever?

Leslie: 29:15

Um I honestly I I don't I don't think that that really ever had anything into play. Well, I would probably say this. If I wasn't if I didn't have some parental help or my in-law siblings weren't able to just come over on a on a whim if there was an emergency or something like that, then that would be hard. But um otherwise, it was like where we live, it's it's like a really neat community. And um, in fact, I lived across the street from a woman who had an only child. And we used to talk about this all the time because she was one of five, but her daughter was an only child. And so she would look at me and she'd say, Well, you kind of turned out okay. I'm not so worried about my daughter. And her daughter is really amazing and doing well, really go, you know, a go-getter. I think that I don't know about you, Tracy, but they say that only children kind of they're they're go-getters, and maybe just they have to do it on their own. They, you know, they have to be everything all at once. It's like if you have three kids, one of them's gonna be lazy, one of them's gonna be the go-getter, one of them's gonna be this. We're just all everything. We're everything, so right.

Tracy: 31:10

We are, we're everything. That's a good way of thinking about it. Yeah, like I mean, I'm I feel like I'm definitely an overachiever. That's it, an overachiever. At least I feel an overachiever. Yeah, I feel like I am, yeah, because I do I still do a lot of things. I feel like I've you know slowed down a little bit because I I feel like I'm I get tired easily, more easily now. Um, but I yeah, I am an overachiever. So and that's the way I think I've always been. But you're right, we have to we have to be everything. Right.

Leslie: 31:49

Whether it's you know, I don't think my parents really were looking for me to be everything, but I don't know. I was maybe trying to do it for them. And I don't, you know, not sure what I achieved, but I was thinking about overachieving.

Tracy: 32:13

You were thinking about overachieving. Well now, what time period did you write the book?

Leslie: 32:19

Well, I wrote I was it when the book when I was 40, because my son has food allergies, my older son. And he was the reason, you know, it was like 20 years ago, you could never find a milk substitute. You know, now you go to the coffee shop and you have to ask the barista which of five different milks do you want? You know, I mean, there are so many choices. We had to drive around the city looking for soy milk, and because he couldn't have regular milk and soy ice cream and fake cheese and all of this. And so um that was that was definitely hard. That's that's another podcast, a food, a food allergy podcast. Yeah, that was challenging. Um, and and really it was just you know to try and make these kids feel like they're they're just regular kids. Um, they always had their own cupcake at a birthday party that we had to bring. But that was really what did it is I wrote the book because I was watching my son, you know, go through all this. And I was going through it because I was the one who was sitting at home going, oh my god, he's at so-and-so's house. What is that mother gonna feed him?

Speaker 2: 33:47

You know, so right, yeah.

Tracy: 33:52

So that was that was why I did it. I I didn't I didn't really think about that being that much of an issue 20 years ago.

Leslie: 34:01

I think well it's you're you're right. It was happening then, but it wasn't as it wasn't as easy to get all the the food and all that. I mean, now you you go to a restaurant and sometimes there's like, oh, this has nuts in it, or that has nuts in it. And people are trained a little bit. You know, 20 years ago when he was three, it was like that wasn't that wasn't happening. So um yeah, yeah, that's definitely evolved, and that was a I'm I'm glad I did that. I'm glad I I wrote the book. I like you said, if you want to write a book, write the book.

Tracy: 34:45

Write the book, yeah. Right. Yeah, everybody's got probably got a book in them somewhere. Really? At least one. They really do. Right. They really do. Uh well, I'd like to end our time by asking you some questions. I've heard other podcasts do this, and I think it's kind of a fun idea. Some people call it rapid fire questions, but just to um, yeah. Um, no pressure, but just I think it's kind of interesting. Um, kind of get a sense of, you know, it's it's just a fun thing. So um what do you do to celebrate a milestone in your life or a good thing that happens to you?

Leslie: 35:38

I think if something really good happens, I think I have to tell everybody. And I think it requires having a big cake or something, like like it requires like not pulling the bacon off of the hamburger. It's just, you know, we we need to just have fun and and celebrate the good stuff. And um I would on top of being thankful, I would say really just eating the cake. Eating the cake, okay.

Tracy: 36:18

Um what is one of your favorite comfort movies?

Leslie: 36:25

My goodness, Tracy. This is a hard one. My favorite comfort movies. Okay. Probably a Disney movie, probably like um, oh, well, two. One would be Grease. Okay. Grease one, okay. John Travolta, Olivia Newton John, and the other one is um the movie Cars. Um, my kids, my you know, having two boys, it was just always on. It was the at the the the DVD, or I don't remember what we had in 2010. Um, but those two movies really just kind of they're like, you know, they're they're like having a a warm, cozy blanket for me. Yeah.

Tracy: 37:23

That makes sense because you had boys, so you probably didn't get overrun with things like frozen. I've never seen it before.

Leslie: 37:31

I've never seen any, never seen it, and my friends think that's crazy, but I really need to have a binge and watch all the girly movies. So the girly movies, there you go.

Tracy: 37:45

Okay. Um, so this one kind of calls back to the first question, but what is one of your favorite foods? You can say cake if you want.

Leslie: 37:56

Um, not not necessarily cake. Um, one of my favorite foods is like chicken soup. My grandma used to make it all the time for me. Um, and mac and cheese. Just typical warm comfort food. Definitely those are two good ways. Mac and cheese.

Tracy: 38:23

Mac and cheese, yeah. What are you most proud of accomplishing in your life?

Leslie: 38:32

I guess I'm most proud of raising my children. And I have to say, I'm I'm just proud that I tried to be a decent person and do what I do what I could for other people. And I I always try not to be selfish. I'm sure somewhere that I am selfish in there, but I think that I'm I'm just proud that I tried to try and think of others first.

Tracy: 39:14

Yeah, that sounds that sounds like you. Um and then it does. I mean, from what I know of you, that's yeah. Um, and finally, what would you tell your younger self if you had the chance? Like what advice would you give your younger self? How old would my younger self be? Well, um, you know, any any age that you pick, it's up to you. Okay.

Leslie: 39:45

I would probably say if I was like 10 or 11 or 12, I'd probably say everyone isn't looking at you and thinking about you and talking about you. Nobody really, nobody's really is interested. Um just go about your life. Like people always think that people are talking behind their back or saying things about them. It's just an insecurity, I think, that I had maybe as an I don't know, only child or as a teenager. Most teenagers have it. Um, and just stop thinking that, and everything just comes around. And I guess it really takes until we're older, till we really don't care what anyone thinks, till we feel confident. So just, you know, don't be a rude person, but don't worry about what anyone else thinks and go ahead with your life. Yeah.

Tracy: 41:08

Yeah, good advice. Right. All right. Well, Leslie, it's been a lot of fun to get to know you. Yes, get to know you better and um let everybody in the Only Child Diaries podcast world get to know you. And uh so thank you so much. Thank you, Crazy.

Leslie: 41:29

It's been a pleasure, and I I really do love our friendship.

Tracy: 41:35

Yeah. Oh, yeah, thank you. I have to get to California. Um, yes. Or we get to Michigan or we meet in the middle. California seems so much more exciting. But yes, we'll figure it out. Well, yeah, I admit California is does have a lot to offer. So yeah, it would be great to finally finally see you in person, not just on video. All right, well, great. Thanks again. We'll talk soon. Bye. Well, there it is. Another interview in the can, so to speak. I hope you enjoyed learning more about Leslie and hearing our conversation. Next week, we'll tackle another topic together. I hope you'll join me. If you like this episode, please follow the Only Child Diaries Podcast on Apple Podcasts or other platforms you might listen on. And consider rating Only Child Diaries and writing a review. It helps others to find us. Please share it with a friend you think might like it as well. Visit my Instagram page, Only Child Diaries, or Facebook, Only Child Diaries Podcast. Thanks for listening. I'm Tracy Wallace, and these are the Only Child Diaries.