In my 20s, I didn't have it figured out. In my 30s, I was just starting to realize what I didn't know. And in my 40s, I felt pretty confident. And then in my 50s, I felt like, wow, now I really understand what this life is all about. But here I am in my 60s and I'm still figuring it out. I'm still learning and I'm still sometimes making a mess of things. Welcome to the Only Child Diaries Podcast. I'm your host, Tracy Wallace. Have you ever felt like you didn't receive the how-to brochure on life? That you didn't get enough guidance about major life issues? So did I. You don't have to be an only child to feel this way. In my podcast, we'll explore some of the best ways to better navigate adulthood. While doing so, with humor and life. Welcome everyone to the Only Child Diaries Podcast. Today, I want to talk about letting other people down and being let down. So, first of all, I want to say that occasionally, or once in a while, or however you want to characterize it, I'm contacted through email by people who represent other people. And I'm not really exactly sure how that all works, but I'm contacted about people who are interested in being guests on this podcast. And I I I I want to preface it by saying that, you know, the last eight months of my life, I mean, my life has always been hectic. I I just I always end up taking on too much, except for that two years back there where I took time off and started the podcast. But uh recently, and especially the last eight months, really my life has not been my own. Okay. So I am occasionally contacted by people who are interested in talking about being a guest on the podcast. And I'll say that sometimes the connection, if you will, is pretty clear. The the reason why they're contacting me and the way the conversation would go is is evident, right, off the bat. Sometimes it seems like a stretch, but I've tried to accommodate people, right? And I've tried to be creative in the way that I look at potential guests, and so I've been open to suggestions, right? But let me just say that this podcast is a hobby, it's not a job. I have a job that I work mostly remotely here at home, and that takes up anywhere from 30 hours a week, and depending seasonally, it can be 40 hours a week. There's some times when it can be more than 40 hours. Okay. Then I have my husband. My husband's pretty high maintenance. If you have somebody in your life who has chronic conditions, you know that that is one of your jobs, is taking care of that person. And especially since the beginning of October, when he had this herniated disc situation, um, he's been more high maintenance. And now, since the first nerve block wore off, we're waiting for the second nerve block. He's even more high maintenance. So uh it's just an ongoing thing. And before that, I was helping my friend. Her mother had died. I mean, her mother was my friend too. And I was putting a lot of time in to help the family with all of the issues, you know, around the uh funeral and the memorial, and just you know, trying to help with the house and and all the all the things that go into what you have to do after someone dies. Okay. So my life for the last eight months, and that was three months. That was mostly that was July, August, September until the memorial took place. So really just my life has not been my own, honestly. I mean, I try to carve out as much time for me as I can, but if you take, if you take the the hours in a day and you subtract the number of hours that I have to sleep, I mean, you know, you can fudge some of that, right? But there's hours that I have to sleep, and the time that I have to work, and the time that I need to take care of Bill or do things for him, or take him to appointments, or you know, whatever, however that works. Um, and things that I have to do around the house. And I think last week I talked about things that I have to do versus things that I want to do. Right? There's things that I have to do for the house. There's there's groceries and gas for the car and pet food and taking the cat to the vet for his diabetes checkup and and all those things, right? So there's there's not that much time left for me. I have started to take the dog for a walk every day. That's one commitment that I've made for myself, whether or not I feel like it. There's oftentimes I don't feel like it because I'm tired, because it's too hot. I mean, it's hot here now. Um, maybe I just didn't get enough sleep. Maybe I have too much to do. Sometimes it just feels like it would be a lot easier to just not take her, but I know it's good for her, I know it's good for me. So whether or not I feel like it, I just we just go. And we walk about a half a mile minimum. Okay. Anyway, this last person that contacted me uh about being on the podcast, I I wasn't really clear on what the connection was, but I was willing to have a conversation. And I'll just say that again, since this is a hobby, and I don't have a personal assistant. I mean, this the person that wanted to be on the podcast has a person who contacted me. I don't have that. Okay, it's just me. Um, it's me. I don't have it. I'm my own assistant, right? The dog and the cat are not going to be my assistants. So the person contacted me and I said, Okay, what time zone are you in? Because most people are not in my time zone. Um, and anyway, got a rough idea of when this person would be available. And then things happen. Bill has a crisis with his appointment. I have a crisis with my job. I and you know what? That kind of stuff can suck up a whole day or two. And the fact that I have 50 emails to return for my job, and I didn't email this person back, I I apologize, and I did apologize, and then another thing happens, and I reached out again. So what? You know what? They ghosted me. They obviously feel like I'm too um flaky, and now they're not responding, and you know what? I'm doing the best I can do. I I feel bad because I don't want to be flaky, but there's only so much of me, and I can only do what I can do because I'm already stretched absolutely to the limit, and I feel bad because there were some really good guest options around the holidays, and by the time I reached out to them, I don't know if maybe I went into their spam or maybe they were just done with me because it was so much later. But anyway, I'll try to do better, but um I just I feel bad about it. Okay, now on to the next subject, which is being let down. And I'm gonna say that in the past there was a situation, and I'm sorry I can't be more um detailed about this, but there was a person who I knew for over 20 years who really stabbed me in the back. And this is a person who I felt that we were family. This was a person who I did a lot for because I felt like they were well, again, family. Um, my husband spent a lot of time with this person too, and he felt like this person was family, and so when they stabbed me in the back, um, it was very, very upsetting. It really, it really made me feel like I was that little kid in the play yard who the the popular kid said, Oh, you can't play with us anymore. I mean, it really made me feel just so um devalued and so just just hurt, just so mortally hurt. And that's why I compare it to being a child, because it just felt so so basic. I don't know how else to explain it. I just felt like a little girl again who had just been just mortally wounded by a friend that she trusted. So it was inevitable, right? That in this town and in the philanthropic world that I circulate in, that eventually I was gonna be in the same room with this person, one way or another. Um, and I guess it's like four years later, and I saw this person uh this weekend and at this event, and I will say that I'm pretty sure that this person saw me as much as I saw them. Uh did I go up and say something to them? No, because they are the ones that broke my heart. And I'm not I'm not using the pronouns he or she because I don't wanna I don't wanna even say that, okay? That's why I'm saying they or them. But they're the ones that broke my heart. And if you know, if if they had come up to me and said hi, even I would have been cordial, but that didn't happen. There was no recognition, and so fine, you know. At the time I was like, well, okay, that's the way you want to play it. I'm not gonna say it didn't hurt, because it did. Uh I came home and I told Bill and uh, well, I texted him while I was there, and he said, You're kidding, right? No, I'm not, no, I wouldn't make that up. Um so I came home and Bill said, Well, you got that over with. It was inevitable, right? And it was. I mean, we lit it was, but I couldn't sleep last night. Just running over it in my head made me mad again. And you know, and it it kind of brings it back. I mean, and and and at the same time, I'm mad at myself. Like, why do I even let it get to me? It's so it's so stupid, right? Like, you should just let that go. You should just let it go, not even waste any time on it. But of course, it's upsetting. I mean, that was just that was really an upsetting thing that happened. So, anyway, letting other people down and being let down is part of life. I of course, that's what I've learned, that's what we all learn, right? And I and and even at this point in my life, as I near my next birthday, and you know, I think, oh great, another birthday is coming. Wonderful. I'll be a year older again. Um, it's not something I look forward to that much, but I I feel like I shouldn't be letting anybody down, right? But there's only there's only so many plates I can be spinning in the air at the same time. And I and I know that I try to do my best every day. And I guess as as I near my 64th birthday, I feel like maybe I should have had it all figured out by now. It should be it should be like in my 20s, I didn't have it figured out. In my 30s, I was just starting to realize what I didn't know. And in my 40s, I felt pretty confident. And then in my 50s, I felt like, wow, now I really understand what this life is all about. But here I am in my 60s, and I'm still figuring it out, I'm still learning, and I'm still sometimes making a mess of things. So yeah, so that's that's where I'm at, and that's that's what this week has felt like. Um so anyway, um, that's all I've got for today. I think I'm gonna go out later, even though it's warm, and spend a little bit more time in nature today, and just suck up that good feeling of seeing and touching my plants, because that always grounds me a little bit better than anything else. Next week, we'll tackle another topic together. I hope you'll join me. If you like this episode, please follow the Only Child Diaries Podcast on Apple Podcasts or other platforms you might listen on. And consider rating Only Child Diaries and writing a review. It helps others to find us. Please share it with a friend you think might like it as well. Visit my Instagram page, only child diaries, or Facebook, Only Child Diaries Podcast. Thanks for listening. I'm Tracy Wells, and these are the Only Child Diaries.