Not just for only children! Info, stories and life experiences for anyone who feels like they didn't get the How-To brochure on life! Host Tracy Wallace, who has been a business owner, a successful fundraiser, a stand-up comedian, a caregiver and an animal lover, shares stories from the front lines of adulting to help others in this journey called life. She does this while finding the humor in the all situations.
Your house can tell the truth about your family in a way conversations never did. I’ve been thinking a lot about grief lately, and about that surprising idea that you can still learn who someone was after they’ve passed away. Living in my parents’ home has made that real for me, not through big dramatic revelations, but through everyday evidence: what got kept, what never got finished, and what “clean” meant in our family.
I also get honest about housekeeping, clutter, and why “just clean the house” is never just that. My mom wasn’t obsessed with cleaning, and neither am I, but the basics were always there. Now I’m staring down the reality of inherited stuff from multiple generations, plus my own life, plus the pressure to make a home work when I’m one person with a job, pets, and a husband with serious health needs. If you’ve ever felt overwhelmed by decluttering, organizing, or accepting help, you’ll hear yourself in this conversation.
Then there’s the saga that pushed me over the edge: our washing machine broke, and it stayed broken for a long time. Not because I didn’t care, but because life kept happening: a major fundraising event, the death of a friend, months of arrangements, hospitalizations, and the decision fatigue of replacing appliances in an older house that wasn’t designed for today’s machines. Along the way, I share what’s actually helping right now, including practical cleaning tools and a more realistic mindset.
If you like thoughtful stories about adulthood, grief, and the messy work of keeping a household together, subscribe to Only Child Diaries, leave a rating and review, and share this episode with a friend who would get it.
Welcome to the Only Child Diaries Podcast. I'm your host, Tracy Wallace. Have you ever felt like you didn't receive the how-to brochure on life? That you didn't get enough guidance about major life issues? So did I. You don't have to be an only child to feel this way. In my podcast, we'll explore some of the best ways to better navigate adulthood while doing so with humor and light. Welcome everyone to the Only Child Diaries Podcast.
Today I'm going to talk about, yes, my mother and housekeeping. Two sort of unrelated topics, but I've learned that they are related. Now, according to Anderson Cooper's uh podcast about grief, he's talked occasionally or um extensively, however you want to look at it, about the idea that even though someone has passed away, you can get to know them better. Or you can still learn about them, however you want to look at it. And I've done a lot of thinking about that, and I think in in a lot of ways he's right, because I have gotten to know my parents better since they've passed away, or or maybe not better, maybe that's the wrong word, but I've gotten to know them in different ways since they've passed away because oh, because I'm living in their house. I'm dealing with probably a lot of the things that they were dealing with at some point. But I want to talk about it because I've I've been thinking about this as it relates to keeping a household.
Because recently I've really been striving. Now I uh let me back up. I have never been a good housekeeper, and my mother was never a good housekeeper. I mean, she was good at making sure that we had clean clothes, she was good at laundry, she made sure that we always had a meal, like, you know, maybe not a tasty meal, maybe not a gourmet meal, maybe not an expensive meal, maybe not the kind of meal we really wanted, but it was a semi-nutritional meal, semi, semi, yeah, semi- semi-nutritional meal. We always got my dad and I always got fed. We were safe, we had blankets. Um, but you know, the house wasn't necessarily picked up or cleaned, you know, in the most extensive way possible. My mom was never like so exacting about cleaning, she wasn't obsessed about cleaning, she wasn't maybe good at throwing things out, she kept a lot of things, right? And to a certain extent, I inherited those qualities. I also inherited a lot of stuff, and the stuff that I inherited, you know, my my parents' stuff, my grandparents' stuff, both sets, and also my husband's uh mom stuff that we have here in the house. So we have a lot of stuff. And it's hard to just get rid of that, right? And and we also have our own stuff that we that we like to have. So um, but I I've been thinking about this recently because I've been really trying to make an effort to keep certain parts of the house clean. And and it's hard, it's hard work, especially when you're one person. I don't have a cleaning person that I hire. I could, but I just feel like right now the house is just it's gotten away from me, and it would be really unfair to bring somebody in. I used to have somebody that came and cleaned my apartment, and he just made everything better. Like it was a mess, but he would overlook that, you know. I I don't he just made everything better, but I learned uh quite a few years ago that he passed away. So that's kind of a bummer. Uh, can't use him. And you know, cleaning products with the cat, my cat who has asthma, it it's just it's difficult. So anyway, I digress, but I'm trying harder. But what I'm what I've been thinking about lately is back to when I was a teenager, you know, I I would keep my room. I would try to keep my room organized, and sometimes my it was ironic, but sometimes my mom would get on my back about my room and she'd say, clean your room, clean your room. And I'd be like, Well, the rest of the house isn't really that clean, but okay. And I was always reorganizing things. I moved the bed around, the furniture around to keep it fresh. You know, I wanted to do something different with it. I um I did different things to make it more fun, right? And so when I was a teenager, I remember sometimes just trying to be proactive about the house, because there were areas that hadn't been touched in a long time, let's face it. And I I would polish the silver. Yes, we had a silver tea service or tea and coffee service or whatever, but you know, the platter and the thing, and it would tarnish, and so I would take it and I would, you know, I would, you know, polish it with a silver polish, which is a big pain in the neck, and my nails would get all dark, and I'd be like, Why and why am I doing it? But anyway, it would look nice afterwards, and it would, you know, as a point of pride. But sometimes I would go and clean something that wasn't mine. So, like the dining room, maybe, or the living room. And what I would have to do is take the things that were there and move them, and then clean and vacuum and dust and all that stuff, and then put the things that were there back. So maybe there were piles of papers or documents or clothes or what have you, right? And I remember this one time in particular when my mom came back from running errands, and she saw I was in the middle of this process in this one room, and she came in and she was really upset with me because I had dared to move these things that were hers. Like I think it was a pile of papers and maybe a pile of books, and I had put them back pretty much the way that they were, and it wasn't that they were secret things, they weren't, they weren't, you know, like her diaries and her, you know, innermost thoughts. They were just papers and newspapers, letters, papers, right? They weren't secret, trust me, they weren't secret things. And she was upset. And you know, I I think about it now, and I just I just um I mean I I know for me, yes, I have things in certain places, right? And if somebody comes in and moves things, yeah, it's it can be awkward because then I'll lose track of things. But at the same time, I'm completely overwhelmed. I mean, I I am, I'm completely overwhelmed, and I'm one person, and I realize that a house, and this isn't a big house, this is like 1,200 square feet of house, a house in a yard, a dog and a cat, and a husband with, you know, a lot of special needs right now, health needs, um, and a job. I have a lot going on, and there's only so much of me, right? So if somebody had done this for me, I would have been so grateful. But I understand that my mom was very controlling about her environment to the point that she couldn't accept help. And, you know, to the point that it really upset her emotionally, I think. And I feel bad about that, but I also feel bad that I wasn't able to do more to help. I know that if I went out on the weekends and I helped in the garden, you know, raking leaves or pulling up weeds or trimming things or whatever, that was fine. She was fine with that. But and we had a gardener, but you know, there's always extra things, right? That you can do. Or if I helped my dad with things out in the yard or whatever, um, that was fine. But I really wasn't supposed to touch her things. But she never went through um, she never went through them, she never dusted them. It was just awkward. And I I just think that, you know, if if it was me in that situation, I would have been um a little happier. I don't know. I right now I would be really grateful. And I have been grateful. Uh I have gotten some help recently. And uh when I was gonna have my surgery, I was about to have my um both of my knees uh partially replaced. I got some help then because I was also in pain before my surgery. So got some help. Still haven't found everything that my friend moved around then, but that's fine. I know it's here.
Uh and and I've been thinking a lot about cleaning lately because oh my gosh, and when I think about this, so my washer, my washing machine broke, and it's a total, you know, first world problem, right? But our washing machine broke, and it's it's even embarrassing to say when it broke. It was not this last May, this is um October, not this last May, but a year ago May. And I told this to the guy, I went and bought um a new washing machine on the weekend, and and I actually bought a new dryer because the dryer's still working, but it's a little iffy sometimes. So I thought, what the heck, just buy a whole new thing. And I told him when the washer broke, and that I've been going to the laundromat, which most of the time I don't mind, except I have to gather everything. I always forget something, and then I have all this, you know, wet stuff. It's heavy. Do I dry it there? Do I bring it back and dry it? It's just, it's, it's rough, right? And so I told him, and he was like, gosh, that long? You've been with, I mean, what's wrong? Like, what's wrong with you? Why didn't you take care of this sooner? But you know, when it broke, I was in the middle of my event at work, my fundraising event, and it was all encompassing. And then the next month is when my friend Nelia passed away. And so that c catapulted me into two or three months of just every spare minute was helping her daughter with the arrangements and putting together the memorial and the luncheon. Uh, and that took me through September. And then my husband had the herniated disc situation where he was flat on his back for at least a couple months. He was hospitalized twice in that period. And we were just kind of getting back on our feet, and that's when I realized that the new machines back from, you know, we had um such an old machine, a Maytag that was still working. It was great. I mean, it worked, it was must have been from the 60s or something. I mean, it's old. It should be in a museum. The new machines are larger. What I mean is they're larger, they're wider, and I had no space. So I had to have the cabinet taken out that was in there. It was either that or the sink. I didn't want to take out the sink. So fast forward to all this other stuff that was going on. And yes, another event came up. It was May again, and I was working so much, and then Bill was in the hospital again for two months. So finally got the guy out here, took out my cabinet. But then which one do you buy? Decisions, decisions. And so finally this weekend, I just went, I decided I wanted to see them in person, I wanted to touch them, and that's what I did. And I ordered it, it's coming on Friday. They're gonna take out the old ones, put in the new ones, and there's stuff in there that I have to clean and move and all that stuff. So
it just got me thinking about all this work, and and I love to have my house clean. I love to have things that are clean. I finally got a great vacuum that goes around and I can see all the all the dirt and the pet hair, and I'm horrified. So I'm vacuuming like almost every day, picking up the pollen and the debris and everything. So it doesn't, you know, it really helps my cat if I pick this stuff up on the floor. And I just I got a great vacuum. I have a steam mop, and I can really be better at this. But that being said, keeping a house no matter what, is a lot of work, just a lot of work. So that's my story. That's what I've got for this week. Um, I'm gonna go out and start working on the laundry room. But next week, well, we're gonna tackle another topic together. I hope you'll join me. If you like this episode, please follow the Only Child Diaries Podcast on Apple Podcasts or other platforms you might listen on. And consider rating Only Child Diaries and writing a review. It helps others to find us. Please share it with a friend you think might like it as well. Visit my Instagram page, Only Child Diaries, or Facebook, Only Child Diaries Podcast. Thanks for listening. I'm Tracy Wallace, and these are the Only Child Diaries.
